Stats & The Bloggy Bits

I think most blogs out there have some kind of 'statistical' software embedded somewhere in their code. I didn't have a clue about stats until a blogging friend told me about it, and pointed me in the direction of Statcounter. I signed up, copied the html into my blog sidebar, and have been quietly fascinated - and confused - ever since.

Not only does the software log the number of visits to the Bloggy Bits, but tells me (roughly) where they come from, as well as lots of other bits of extraneous information. For instance, by far the greatest number of visitors over the last few days had no referring link. Which means they just 'knew' the address, or have it in their favourites. Apparently, a fair few came after looking on Google images for a picture of Cristiano Ronaldo. This is utterly depressing to me - of all the things people could come looking for! A large percentage of visitors land here after clicking on my Blogger profile, so I guess they've seen me putting it about on other blogs? ;-)

A humungous 89.2% of those landing here have searched using Google as their search engine. The other 10.8% have either used AOL or AOL UK. Most of those coming 'in' to the blog do so on the front page, and most of those leaving the blog leave from that same front page. The majority of readers use Internet Explorer(7) as their browser, the next largest group uses Firefox, the next after that uses IE(6), then come the Safari users (presumably on their Macs?) The stats will also tell me what Operating System any readers have. I'm sure to someone who knew what to do with them, all these things would mean something much more than they do to me.

According to Statcounter, most of my visitors are from the UK, followed in order by the US, Canada, The Netherlands, Australia, Bulgaria (Gosh - hello to any Bulgarian readers, I had no idea!), Romania, Norway, Denmark, New Zealand ... etc. I have had only one visitor from the Sudan, Slovenia, Bhutan, Sri Lanka, Latvia, Poland, Pakistan, Croatia, Kuwait and Japan. Perhaps they're the ones who were looking for stuff about that slightly slimy striker who dives a lot Cristiano Ronaldo?

I think it's clear that most of my visitors come here by accident, having searched for something, but then must have been disappointed that what they wanted was not, actually, here. Yes folks, it's time to look once more at the search terms various people landing here have typed on their computers. As always, it never ceases to amaze me:

Men's nipples are always 11 apart (This whole mens nipples thing started because I once posted that it is a generality that most mens nipples are a certain distance apart. I can't even remember how big or small that distance is now - 9" or 11" ... something like that (Edited to add, it's 9, not 11). I was merely repeating what my forum friend Norma Snockers had said. Anyway, ever since that day, I have regularly received traffic based on searches about mens nipples. Which, I guess, is better than the traffic poor L gets at Family Affairs, as a result of searches for 'hairy nipples' [I loved that post of hers] ).

My kitty sneezes strings of snot, what can I do? (Aside from keeping a box of tissues close at hand, I'd say a trip to the vet was in order?)

Horniest Gerrard pics (Now call me strange (I'm sure plenty of people do), but I cannot for the life of me imagine that ANYONE could find Steven Gerrard 'horny'. Doesn't he look about as wholesome as a lad could look?)

Great gerbil of Kaz (Kaz ... have you got a furry thing you need to tell us about?)

Smutty bits in Disney (If there are any, I've yet to see them, but I'm willing to be educated on the matter. As an admirer of both smut and Disney, a combination of the two would surely be right up my street?)

I have 3 nipples - is this normal? (You are a descendant of Francisco Scaramanga, and I claim my £5)

How to make a creative 3d plant cell model with items from around the house (Aha, that old chestnut ... been there, done that! Or rather No.1's done that, and I blogged about it)

Herbie the Hamster's Blog (It really does exist! Not OUR Herbie, but a different Herbie. He has his own blog here. This Herbie is also an escapologist - perhaps it's the name?!)

Nosey Kitty ( :-O Well yes, I am ... but there's no need to put it all over the interweb!)

Widow Twanky the slut (Oh how I laughed at that. For what, could this person have been searching?)

Smutty humour (Guilty as charged, your Honour)

Pictures of Douglas from the Lurpak advert (Gosh, I don't think I've seen an ad featuring Douglas for the longest time - click here for a reminder of the cute little yellow chap)

Trying to be cheerful while married to a cheater (Awww, bless you, it can't be easy. Can you not extricate yourself from the marriage? I'm sure you deserve better than that.)

Cristiano Ronaldo high heels (How very excellent - I never knew he wore them, but I kind of suspected ;-) Oh damn, this is going to get me more Ronaldo-seekers, isn't it?)

Victor Borge's Letter of Complaint About his Roof (I have no idea what this is about. I know my dad used to laugh at Victor Borge though, so I googled the matter. Didn't find a single thing about it. If anyone reading can enlighten me, please feel free.)

What's the most comfortable position for snogging someone? (Listen sunbeam, just consider yourself blessed to have an opportunity to snog at all, let alone worry about the best position for same. Some of us aren't so fortunate! Having said that, face-to-face seems like a good option - tilt your heads slightly to the side - not both to the same side though - and go for it. You lucky sod.)

Norma Snockers (I do get more people landing here looking for things to do with 'knockers', 'breasts', 'boobs', etc. since I posted about the large pink breasts I knitted. And at Flickr I have quite a few more views for my picture entitled 'Dangly Boobs' (which is the one of them hanging from the car's rearview mirror') than for any of my sock monkey photos. Tsk). Norma Snockers is also the name of a forum member at DS - one whom I count as a friend. Affectionately knowns as 'Normas', I'm not sure whether or not she reads the blog, but if she does ... hello Normas! Nice wellies and gorgeous awnings ;-) )

Gareth Barry's Hairless Body (:-O Does the Villa left back have a hairless body?! I had no idea! Don't do it Gareth - it'll be sapping your strength, pet: Liverpool might not want to buy you anymore!)

Pictures of bums in an attic (WHY on earth would someone want to see pictures of bums in an attic? I really don't see the attraction, but there you go. No bums in an attic here. Move along.)

So there we are - a little statistical snapshot of the kind of weirdos various people who land at my Bloggy Bits. I'm very pleased to see you, whoever you are. I'm sorry this blog almost certainly doesn't provide you with exactly what you were seeking, but hey ... you've probably just given me more blog fodder for the future, so thank you for that.

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